


Glitching

by Fey_Nikola



Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Animus Shenanigans, F/F, F/M, Technical Malfunction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-07
Updated: 2012-03-07
Packaged: 2017-11-01 14:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fey_Nikola/pseuds/Fey_Nikola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abstergo trains its employees well, utilizing only the most cutting-edge technology and talented people in a perfect marriage of science and the human spirit. You'd think they could find something better to do with their time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glitching

**Author's Note:**

> Assassin's Creed kink meme fill.  
> It's in an experimental style for me, I'm still not sure it worked out.

I hate the tech people here.

“It’s a problem with the puppeteering system. Just wait until the session is over and we’ll take care of it then.” 

I turn off my com to keep myself from screaming. They have no idea what these VR training sessions are like: it hurts to die. I have to keep moving, blending with crowds; preferably ones with another Courtesan so there’s a fifty-fifty shot I won’t be stabbed, or get my throat slit, or my body broken.

You know, gotta try and play the odds.

The session started normally; I was already walking, my HUD found my first target, I was slowly making my way up the central stairs of the Castel Gandolfo map. Then, just as I’m closing in to kill that Noble son of a bitch and get revenge for the last session when he just kept slaughtering me, the Smuggler pops up out of nowhere and comes right at me. Before I could counter she’d got me, which is actually a good thing because my counter wouldn’t’ve even been a proper ‘counter’ anyway.

All the labels on my HUD had changed and I hadn’t even noticed until I couldn’t move to throw my Firecrackers. Instead, I tried to reach out and _kiss_ her as she’s murdering me. My HUD’s even got all my actions labeled as ‘kiss’! I mean, come on, seriously? How does a glitch like that even happen accidentally?

I bet it’s because I’m the Courtesan. Those horny fucking techies.

So now I’m running around the map, or rather, _not_ running because I can’t handle the kind of attention that would get me. Instead, I’m walking around Castel Gandolfo and praying that, because I’m dead last now in the rankings, my pursuer will be easy to duck.

A quick peek at the timer tells me I’m almost halfway done, and I’ve found a group with two other Courtesans so I’m just gonna stay put for the time being and keep my camera on the swivel. Abstergo’s not paying me nearly enough for this.

Suddenly, one of the Courtesans is turning and trying to kill me! On instinct I move to counter, realizing too late that I really shouldn’t have done that. I grab my Disguised pursuer, take firm hold of her head, and lay a big wet one on her. I can actually feel her lips on mine as the Disguise ends and she changes back.

The next thing I know, the Engineer is lying stunned on the ground, and I hoof it outta there as fast as I can, resisting the urge to wipe my lips off. The Engineer is, in reality, a disgusting unwashed mouth-breather who loves to constantly spew the worst trash talk you’ve ever heard in your life. When we’re eventually sent out on real missions I will refuse to work with him in any capacity, at all.

Then I realize that I essentially just kissed _him_ , the real guy, and that he knows who I am and which room I’m staying in, and I throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Still, gotta look on the bright side. My counter worked, and even though the animation is wrong, (so very, _very_ wrong,) I did stun that neurotic little fucker.

Four and some-odd minutes left in this session. Yeah, I‘m still in this. And I’ll be killing with a kiss.

Of course, because this session has decided that it hates me, the Smuggler is my next target.

She’s my roommate.

This is going to be so awkward later.

I console myself with thoughts of the sweet revenge bonus, and get to tracking her down. A quick check shows that I can’t use my abilities at all, which means no Firecrackers, and no Disguise. It’s a pity; I love the low profile kills most of all.

Ten seconds later and my GPS is telling me that I’m in the same room as her. I’m waiting in a blending group, watching behind my avatar as two Smugglers walk past. I casually peel off and join the same walking group, waiting to see if there are any tells.

There! She twitches like she’s gonna head into the central stairway room, but then I guess she sees someone ‘cause she sticks with the group instead. I take two extra-large steps forward and then I’m right behind her and going for the kill.

My left arm goes around her waist and my right hand reaches over her arm and up to turn her face. I’m fully pressed against her back. Her eyes are wide and confused, and I can’t help my vicious smirk as I lean over her right shoulder for the kill.

Her lips are chapped and open, and I trace the rough edges with my tongue. Her head is tilted back exposing her vulnerable throat, and she arches against the hand I press to her stomach. I let her go slowly, my fingers lingering, and after a second of standing there dazed she’s lying on the ground with the familiar wounds of my fan bisecting her throat.

I relish the Revenge bonus.

I regret how I earned it.

The Harlequin on the other side of the room has dropped out of his blend group. Apparently staring at me is more fun. As the Smuggler’s body disappears, I wonder to myself how the hell I’m going to greet these people in the cafeteria later.

My HUD shows my next target, and according to my GPS he’s heading my way. Harlequin is still standing there staring. I wait in the middle of the room. I’ve got nothing to lose now.

The Executioner bursts in like a bat outta hell, dashing across the room in a desperate attempt to escape the Doctor and the Thief chasing after him. He’s headed right at me, and I’m not hesitating.

I jump at him, and he charges right into my airborne body. As he falls backwards, I bring my knees up against his ribs, squeezing his hips with my insteps. Both my hands fist over his hood, and the moment his back hits the floor I’m pressed against him tight. He doesn’t get a moment to struggle before my lips are locked over his, and I’m working my tongue into his mouth.

I slide my tongue against his, lightly dragging against the roof of his mouth. He groans, and I can feel it vibrating all the way through me. I draw back suddenly, sitting up on his stomach and tossing my hair back outta my face. He looks punch drunk, lying boneless on the floor.

Then I’m on my feet, the Executioner’s dead, and I’ve now added the Doctor and the Thief to the list of people staring at me. Is it weird that I’m feeling more defensive than embarrassed by this point?

As I’m waiting for my HUD to give me my next target, the Prowler suddenly breaks cover and kills the Harlequin. Good riddance. The Thief, apparently reassigned already, jumps at Prowler but he cuts loose with a Smokebomb and we’re all caught up in it. He takes off, the hit-and-run bastard.

When the smoke clears and the stinging in my eyes dissipates I see the Thief take off after Prowler, leaving just me and the Doctor. Guess who happens to be my next target? 

I’ve never had so many targets who were this conveniently close to me before in a session, and I get the feeling it has something to do with my ‘unfortunate glitch’.

Fuckin’ hate Abstergo tech support.

And the programmers.

And the _animators_.

The Doctor seems to be going past me, probably heading toward his target, and I wait patiently as he draws even with me. A quick sidestep on my part, and I’m neatly blocking his way. He starts to move around, but then I’m grabbing him by the shoulders and wrapping my legs around his waist, and he stumbles to the side. My back hits the wall and I have to arch my neck strangely to avoid him taking one of my eyes out with his mask.

The leather of his outfit feels slick against my thighs, and I moan as I wrap my arms tighter around the back of his neck. I can see him trying to bring his syringe up to get me, but I’m pressing a sweet, chaste kiss to the cheek of his mask and he’s dead on the ground before he knows it.

I hear the ten second warning sound just as the goddamn Noble rounds the corner, and I _know_ that he’s here to kill me.

I race through the Castel Gandolfo, up balconies and down stairs, past others who are running for their lives just as much as I am. At two seconds to go, my HUD displays my final target.

_Fuck_ no.

He catches up to me just after the clock runs out, and I let out a long heartfelt sigh of relief.

I flip my com back on, make sure I’m on the techies’ channel, and righteously proceed to subject them to the biggest bitch-fit of their lives.


End file.
